I’ve always thought American men are so wishy-washy and American girls to be pushy. Before I couldn’t understand the women’s behavior, but now I do. They understand the game.

Let me tell you more about it…

So, the thing with Americans, is that they’re all so enthusiastic, so excited in the beginning. When they meet you – “Oh, you’re from Europe, how exciting!” When you apply for a job – “Wow, we’re so impressed with your resume, you would be a perfect addition to our team”, or when you’re dating someone – They go all in.

All this would be fine if they stick to their enthusiasm!

I love Americans for so many reasons (will save that for another post) but during my visits in the States, I’ve encountered numerous cultural differences and I’ve learned to not rely on everything they say: A) Always have a backup plan. B) Don’t get excited until you get a commitment C) Action speaks louder than words.

In US, you hear people say “see you around”, but in fact they know they have no chance to see you again. Saying goodbye is accepting the loss and feeling the suffer.

If you look at it culturally, American society is very drawn to entertainment. To not feel the time passing, there’s always interruption in the background to fulfill your mind.  When they’re on the treadmill in the gym they’re listening to music through headphones, there’s TV in the background and a magazine in front of them. (Could explain why Americans are so good at multitasking.)

The entertainment is there to divert your mind from the dark side of the world. And suddenly entertainment becomes your reality. Where there’s always happy endings. You don’t experience the suffering.

When it comes to commitment in business, Europeans are very direct and honest, putting the cards straight on the table. They appear withdrawn and skeptical “what do I have to commit for this / what are the fees?”. You’ll tell them the answer, and they’ll make a direct decision: Yes or No. Asians appear disinterested or not impressed until you get a sudden commitment from them. Which will surprise you, as you didn’t expect them to say yes. Americans on the other hand, shows a lot of enthusiast in the beginning, which slowly fades away when you start discussing the commitment.

Now, in an ideal world, you would want a combination of them all – enthusiastic but direct, skeptical but ready to commit.

What about commitment in relationships?

Dating is frictionless. It’s like a being at a social hub like an airport where you don’t have any link to anyone and it won’t take off any direction. You’re just at the airport the whole time. It’s fun, it’s social, it’s commitment free.

Some people stay at the airport forever, cause they’re scared the plane might crash. But others jump on the first plane and do a smooth landing in another paradise. They’re the guys you want to be with. Who will admit a link between you and who is ready to suffer.

Now, how do you know that a guy will commit? When you’re looking for things in people, you have to be patience to let them find those things in you. And if they find those things, commitment should not be an issue. But question is, are you willing to wait for that, for them to make that choice?

I’m not saying to be pushy. But be very direct what you want so you don’t stay at the airport the whole time waiting. If the guy is avoiding answers about where you stand when you ask him or if he wants to talk about it later, take it as, he doesn’t want to talk about it. He’s not interested!

Money helps to avoid commitment in a materialistic society where you believe money trades everything. Someone helps you with your luggage – you tip them. You receive a service – you trade it with money. The counter scans your products and you pay them. Once you pay, you don’t need to care about their feelings. As far you know, you’ve paid. You have no link. You have obliged your part. Your trade.

In a relationship, you want to make sure the guy is not “trading your services”. If he can’t be in normal circumstances, he is afraid to admit the link.

Everyone has a certain amount of romance and you just want be sure they don’t spend it all early and then run out.

When it’s in your social norms to behave certain way, you don’t really question it. But for someone like me, an outsider I see things differently. And I’m learning. I’m not planning to be a bitch. But I’m learning to A) not trust anyone B) don’t get excited about an offer until there’s a contract in place C) Be skeptical if a guy is wining and dining you, but not really making an effort to be in ‘normal’ circumstances and D) If talking about where you stand makes him nervous – then walk away.

My advice to Men: Don’t beat around the bush!

Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own minds. – Franklin D. Roosevelt